Category Archives: Personal

Running Into Frustration

I always talk about all the enjoyment running has brought me. But running has also brought me FRUSTRATION. Last year I voiced that frustration on paper. Now I’m sharing it with you.

“My struggles all started when I got sick at the end of indoor track my Junior year in High School. From outdoor track my sophomore year until then I was on fire. I Ran 4:25 for the mile outdoors my sophomore year – I remember that race like It was yesterday. Exploding around the last turn and unleashing a fury of a kick. (I beat one of my best buds who has gone onto run 4:01 (now 3:58) – hence why I believe I can be that good) All the way until Indoors junior year when before every race I used to do strides and just feel like I was floating through the air. I just always had that pop and explosion in my legs. Could get off the line faster than anyone (well, the average hs kids I was racing at the time ). Towards the end of the season I won a mile in 4:22. I led that whole race from wire to wire and ran 422 all by myself negative splitting (running the 2nd half faster) and feeling like I had more to give. I got the flu that following week. I got blood work done and looking back I tested positive for Lyme Disease. It went undiagnosed at the time. Barring an extremely rare race or two I have never felt good like that again – training wise or racing wise. Senior year in cross country I ran roughly the same times as my junior year and college has just been a shit show. Training wise I always felt wiped. Then comes all the exhausted achy legs, winded walking around campus/ up stairs, and the myriad of other symptoms (cant sleep, night sweats, constipation, cold hands/feet, brain fog, headaches, indigestion, etc.). When I would run a mile race in college I would go out in 2:10 or 2:11 for the first half mile or and just hit a wall and rig the rest of the way until I ran a 4:25 or 4:26. Makes no sense why I could float to a 4:22 in high school or run a 425 my sophomore year and now I feel like I’m running through a wall to run 426. Been that way the whole time.”

Thank You. I’ve been holding that in for a long time. It feels good to express my Frustration.

Thanks for Listening

Thanks for Listening

This may be hypocritical – but I don’t like talking about myself. Everyone has their own shit to deal with. Their own problems, struggles, and needs. Why should I feel that they want, or should, listen to my problems? Expecting someone to listen to my grievances feels selfish.

By asking for someone to listen to me it makes me feel like I think the pain or scars I’m dealing with are more worthy of attention than theirs. Everyone’s struggles and successes are relative. You only see the world through your own eyes. Why should someone ever be asked to listen to my story while they are writing their own?

This blog intends to create new eyes to see the world through and share these new viewpoints with whoever dares to change lenses. The pieces I write are almost always personal, but they are usually not about me.

Sometimes though, I need to come back to my own story and express pains specific to me. Tell how I found my path. Share my moments of joy.

Some of my greatest learning moments have come from someone sharing their story with me – their TRUE story. This openness is what allows us to gain an understanding of the fears or insecurities that drive many of one’s actions, choices, and behaviors. This gives us the ability to form new perspectives of people and the world. To understand each other better and be more compassionate.

By sharing my story, I hope that there are people out there who can learn from the difficulties I’ve faced on my journey. Maybe you can see some of the same fears hiding behind your choices. Or recognize the same insecurities driving your actions. If I can paint my picture more clearly, than maybe you will realize our pictures aren’t so different after all.

The recognition of these fears is what is so freeing in the end. The awareness of how these insecurities are controlling my life is what enables me to let them go. I’m then able to allow joy, love, and compassion drive what I do. To focus on what I am passionate about. If I can expose how I let other people’s expectations of me run my life, maybe you will see that you can live your life for yourself too.

But more than anything, these personal posts are for me. The power of having a listener is often overlooked. Sometimes I just need to let go of my feelings – release the energies I’ve been holding onto. Just knowing I’m being heard in these moments is invaluable. So Thank YOU for listening to my story. You are helping whether you know it or not. I just hope I’m able to offer you something as well.